This is my penpal from the US who I’ve talked to for maybe 6 years now.
Thank you for being such a supportive friend, Baa! I hope all is well with you in Australia x
Everyone else, you can still buy my book! Just google it or message me for the link.
As a promised to you, my friend, I’ve bought your book, and I’ve read your words. I was never quite sure what to make of it in the end, because there wasn’t much that I could relate to. I’ve never loved someone so deeply the way you do and I’ve never let the pain drives me into writing poetry the way it did you. But the words were not just letters to me; in some way they did make me think about the days when I had him. It was a brief relationship but it was one of the best. I might have loved him but I never said so; I showed him, but I don’t think he saw it. I wasn’t good with words, and he wasn’t good at reading me. I’m quite sure he had wondered why I never called him babe and such, but he had no idea that his name was the sweetest thing I could ever say. Though I should have known I’ve felt more than I let on; I thought about settling down with him and god knows how much I hate the idea of being a housewife.
We were over before I realized it, and funnily enough, I believed it was for the best. Until I felt that ache in my heart when my phone rang and it wasn’t his name that I saw. I tried to do everything I could to keep him in my life but my effort was fruitless. So I began to let him go. It hurt so much, to the point where I felt quite pathetic for letting emotions get the best of me, for letting a boy getting the best of me. But after four years of tears and heartache and what ifs, I’ve done it; I’ve released him from my heart. Now hearing his name no longer pulls at my heartstring, and when I read your words, which I understood, I could not relate to anymore. And that made me happy, because I’m certain I’m over him. Truly.
It doesn’t mean I don’t think about him from time to time but they’re fleeting thoughts that I don’t care for. Even though last year I did write a short based on our relationship, but I regard it as a creative piece more than me missing him. To create is to feel after all, and us was the closest thing to raw emotions.
But I did really, really love these lines:
To me you were home,
To you I was just a vacation…
You lit the fire in my heart
and left me here to burn. (alone)
The brighter the fire burns
the faster it turns to dust.
Those were my thoughts and my feelings when I still wanted him. Now they just remind me of how vulnerable he made me feel. I’m stronger now, lonely half the time, but I choose to be, and for that I feel better than ever.
And to you, my friend, keep on being brave and honest with your emotions. I admire you and how much you are able to feel…and show. If you ever need to vent, I’m around, and I’m an excellent listener :)
Ps. I’d appreciate it if you don’t share this on fb :D